10. Toenails retaliate. And they fight hard for such an innocuous body part.
9. There should be a YouTube channel devoted to videos of removing compression socks after a long run. I am typically naked while sitting on the floor and grunting, pulling at them with all my strength. Ratings stipulations forbid me from posting my own.
8. If you really hate someone, offer them a Perpetuem Tablet when they mention the have heartburn. It won’t cure heartburn. It just looks like a large antacid table (such as Tums). Don’t worry, they won’t yell at you because very shortly their mouth will be filled with a cement-like substance that will take them an hour to fully remove from their teeth. To increase your enjoyment hide any water.
7. Carly Rae Jepsen isn’t the Anti-Christ. This applies only to Ipod running mixes.
6. It is entirely possible to gain weight while burning 3,000-4,000 calories a week. I got good at it.
5. One of your cats will steal your underwear out of the laundry basket after a run. Every time. Then she will lay on them. For hours.
Additionally, if you can honestly type the phrase “one of your cats,” you have at least one cat too many.
4. You will develop a borderline inappropriate relationship with your running watch. You will then cry when it craps out on you. But then again, what functioning device really wants to run 488 miles in 20 weeks? (Side note, currently shopping for a new one, if you have recos!)
3. You are capable of smelling THAT BAD.
2. It’s way more fun to train for a marathon when your buddies will be drunk at the finish line when you complete.
1. You will complete.